I placed a self imposed moratorium on the Bostonian Blog so that I would actually study...it lasted all of maybe 30 hours, but I just decided that it would be more fun to put it into a word document and then post once the shit-storm was over. It did do wonders for my Qbank/NBME scores. Anyway, if you'd like to follow the progression of my dispair read on.

Day 25-
YES!!!!…best QBank day yet! See what I can do when I put my mind to it! I’ve never seen so many bars hitting 100%!! I’ll take the fucker tomorrow and put it in its place! Decent residency, here I come! Might as well start the apartment hunt in Boston right now! On a less stuck up note, the weather finally cooled down, so I got in a decent run. I’m feeling pretty damned good about life all around!

Day 26-
Trouble sleeping last night, tired all day. Surprise…I dropped back into mediocrity on the Qbank front. I went to write a post on how I have the self restraint of Keith Richards at a hookers and heroin party (God he looks awful), but I restrained and decided to chronicle myself offline in less than 100 words per day. I’ve decided that I’ll post my QBank graph to prove that I’m not losing my mind. 10 days left…AHHHHHHHHH.

Day 27-
I swear that my QBank abilities are a combination of how awake I am, what I ate for lunch, and which direction the wind is blowing. I was back above average today again. This bipolar, daily up and down crap is soooooo frustrating, although I extended my up/down trend out to the actual exam day and it happens to fall on an up day…take it for what it’s worth (nothing). On a completely different note, the GF has to run home for the weekend for some family stuff, but at least that will give me some time to freak out without her thinking that I’m mad at her.

And now for something completely different: Tim Russert passed away today. He gave the commencement address at my graduation, my mother published the story of her father in one of his books and had a few occasions to meet him and speak to him personally. He did what so few in the media do in these days of partisan coverage on Fox News and MSNBC, and the ridiculously short blurbs on CNN; Mr. Russert took a guest onto his program every Sunday, sat them down and forced them to display their view points in a thought out manner, and even challenged them at times, but always in a cordial manner. We have lost one of the great journalists of our time, and a good man. My heart goes out to his family in their loss, especially so close to father’s day.

Day 28-
Strange things are happening. I grabbed my ritual cup of coffee on the way over this morning, and started right into Qbank (after a half hour of procrastination). For some reason, the up and down pattern has seemed to cease for some inexplicable reason. I stayed above average for the second day in a row…Perhaps it’s a sign that some of this crap is starting to stick! Lone Coyote said that her score mysteriously jumped up around 85% complete, but I’m only at 71%. I’m not going to hold my breath though…

Anyway, it’s one of those lazy feeling days because it’s kind of humid out and the sky is intermittently overcast, and no one else is out and about. Apparently Saturday brings the crazy law students out of hiding, you know, the ones that like to talk about Jessica Simpson’s hair out-loud while you’re trying to study or who suddenly sprint across the entire length of the library for no apparent reason in their heels (it’s VERMONT people, no need to wear heels to the library). Anyway, I’m going to keep on trucking through Neuro for the rest of the afternoon/evening and break things up a bit with my long run for the week and some dinner.

Update: Ever have one of those “I just made a bad choice” moments? I had one about 3 miles into my run. It was an out and back 6+ mile loop. I was stripped down to nothing but short in the first quarter mile because the air was so saturated with moisture that my sweat wasn’t evaporating and my sunglasses were fogging up…seriously, it sucked. Anyway, I was determined to get my milage in after the brief shower this afternoon. The sun had peaked through the clouds and everything was looking great despite the lack of cooling. So I hit the midway marker and turn around, and then I see the big black thunderstorm clouds about to swallow the sun. We’re talking lightning and thunder, the whole nine yards. So I’m sitting there 3 miles away from home, with the GF 2 hours away, wondering what I’m going to do if I get stuck in one of the violent thunderstorms predicted for the evening. So I started my run back at as fast a pace as I could maintain while pondering which barn/abandoned house I would hide in while the storms passed, counting the seconds by mississippi’s between lightning and thunder, and trying to remember that silly guestimation of how far the storm is that my dad taught me back when I was a kid. Anyway, it was a long way off and I managed to make it home safely without incident, but about 10 minutes after I got through the door there was torrential rain and thunder and lightning and wind. PHEW…good thing I made it home before that started. Note to self- don’t die while running…it’s bad for your career/life plans.

Day 29-
I’m behind AGAIN…spending most of the day catching up on reading for neuro (which I loathe…btw. That should make for a happy string of posts come October.) I jumped into an argument on the Runner’s World website under the “Ask the Running Doc” blog talking about hydration and high fructose corn syrup in hydration beverages. Big mistake. Apparently the risk of obesity caused by HFCS outweighs the potential harm of dehydration that comes with running for a long time on a hot summer day. It BOGGLES THE MIND that these people would rather risk death than consume a slightly higher fraction of fructose. It’s like they think that fructose is a virus that suddenly causes obesity in someone that is running 30+ miles a week…it’s just not a realistic fear. The more I think about it, the more I want to open a boutique runner specific practice on the side. These people are OBSESSED with their health and horrible misinformed at times by incredulous sources, and if I can make a little bit of money doing it, so be it. At least it’s not sticking BOTOX into yuppies and doing microderm abrasions/laser hair removal.

Day 30-
…just make it end already

A freaking month into this stupid process, I took a little thing called NBME form 3. I’ll begin by saying that I’m sick of having my false confidence built up, and then crushed. Instead, I’m taking a new approach. I’m going to be pissed off while I take questions because that seems to work better…especially with Qbank. So where did I end up? Dead average…How did it feel? Like I was going to rip out a 230!!! Instead I’m in the 2teens. Yeah yeah yeah…I know, quit your bitching and go study.

Day 31-
Kill me. Less than a week left and I just don’t have the energy to do much more.

100 more Qbank questions- again, I’m still all over the place…first 50 were crappy, second 50 were above average. My last 300 questions have been pretty good, but it doesn’t replace the fact that I’ve been miserably mediocre on some and less miserably mediocre on others. I find that when I scare the crap out of myself, with a performance, I do better on the next session…so I think it’s just a matter of remaining focused…for 8 hours…without the ability to drink coffee during the exam…crap.

Day 34-
I left the GF up in Vermont and headed for the parental abode in the burbs…it was nice to see everyone, but they don’t really get the level of stress. My mom kind of understands because one of the fellows that she works with explained to her that the USMLE is a form of torture designed to break the souls of all those who take it. So now she gets sort of where I’m coming from, but still not entirely. They still want me to go to a graduation party tomorrow…2 days before my freaking exam.

Anyway, the Qbank scores have spiked up into the 70’s and I take NBME 4 tomorrow for a final crushing defeat to encourage me to cram some pharm and micro and other cramable stuff for the final 36 hours…song of the moment is a tie between “The final countdown” and the free credit report dot com jingle about buying a car…they are alternately stuck in my head. I hope that isn’t a sign of my impending psychotic breakdown!!!

Day 35-
NBME 4 down! My score mysteriously hopped up above 230, which was completely unexpected with T minus 2 days to the exam. If that’s reflective of my actual performance, great! Of course, I’m still not sure exactly how to take these things and quite hesitant to allow myself even the slightest glimmer of confidence, so I’ll be sitting in front of First Aid cramming the bugs, drugs, labs, and whatever else hasn’t been sticking so far (Neuro, Heme and GU/GYN tumors-I really hate cancer).

My dad convinced me to stop by the graduation party just to say hi to everyone. Hopefully I can keep it under 2 hours. My brother also took a trip to the ED…apparently no one told him not to put his fingers near the blades of pruning sheers…he damn near pruned his finger off as well as the shrub’s branches.

Day 36-
CRAP…it’s tomorrow. I just want to get it over with at this point. I’m just barely able to pay attention to what I’m cramming (Bugs and Drugs)…maybe it’ll help, maybe it wont. I’m not going to even bother with Qbank today…I don’t want to see that damned program until step 2…and I’ll probably go with USMLE World.

Anway, as soon as I get through these last few drugs, I’m going to get my stuff together and chill out for a bit. FREEDOM IS SO CLOSE, yet so far…catch ya on the flip side.


Albinoblackbear said...

WOOT! Finito! Congrats and welcome back to the blogosphere. Had a good LOL at your library woes. My favorite is being forced to listen to guys talk about how many shots they did last night. I just want to stand up and scream "HEY DOUCHEBAGS--HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT NONE OF THE OTHER 200 PEOPLE IN HERE ARE TALKING???"
Some people really do deserve chronic anal fissures...


Enjoy your new found freedom!

radioactive girl said...

Did you run faster when you heard the thunderstorm? My motivation has been severely lacking lately and although I would hate to risk it, an approaching thunderstorm might get me back on track with my speed!

I think a running based practice would be awesome! I have about a million things that people have told me about nutrition/advice on running that I am positive are crap but I can't figure out who to ask. And I agree that it seems like it would be pretty difficult to gain too much weight when running 30 miles or more a week.

Bostonian in NY said...

Thanks ABB...at least I'm not the only one with anger/delusions of harm directed at people who don't understand that library=study time.

Radioactive Girl-
I saw the lightning and I tried to get going a bit faster. Unfortunately, I'm horrible about monitoring my heart rate/pace so I tend to crash and burn when I try to up it. I'm even worse about hydrating/fueling on long runs...so usually the end of my runs are pretty much me crawling home.