Done with path

I've been laying in bed for the past few hours in the grips of insomnia. I haven't really been thinking about anything in particular, but I haven't been not thinking either.

I cannot believe that I am almost finished with the first two years of medical school. It has not been at all what I expected it to be. I came in with delusions of grandeur, ready to save the world and be passionate about everything that I learned. I was excited to escape the hum-drum rhythm of the working world, but I realize now that I miss having that rhythm in my life. I do not, however, miss sitting on the Mass Pike in traffic. I especially miss the sense of purpose that having a place to be in the morning gives me. I've been really bad about going to class this semester, not having anywhere that I absolutely had to be made me feel somewhat useless and didn't really give me the incentive to get out of bed in the morning raring to go.

I am looking forward to third year and all of the ridiculous new requirements it will bring. I think that I'll finally have a sense of my life moving forward again, that I'm ticking off the boxes that I need to get out of NY and into a career. Second year was an absolute slog for me, partially because I have made it so in my mind and partially because of the drawn out nature of our schedule. I think that having a new service to work on every few weeks, seeing new people every day, having someone tell me what to do and where to be will at least give me a reason to get out of bed in the morning, if nothing else. I'm also looking forward to the subjective grading scheme, where how hard I work has a bearing on how I perform. It seemed no matter how hard I worked this year that I always ended up in the same spot on the curve.

I think the greatest sense of accomplishment from second year comes when I look at the tattered, over-highlighted pages of my copy of Robbins. I read that damned book cover to cover, and while how much I retained is another story, I knew enough of all of it at some point to pass the course. That's a pretty cool feeling, that passes as soon as I realize the number of hours I spent hunched over a desk in the library.

Anyway, 2 more exams and then it's onto board studying. For anyone that's interested, I passed the in-house path exam and I'll be waiting with baited breath for the shelf results in 2 weeks. I'm off to try to sleep now...hopefully I'll get some shut-eye.