ED quote of the night

17 yo male walks into Boondocks Regional Hospital ED after flipping his ATV at high speed and hitting several fixed objects including a mailbox and a few trees. Transferred to our ED in good spirits, but in a little bit of pain. Head/C-spine and Spinal CT's reveal multiple vertebral body fractures along the entire spine and a crush fracture to L5...

Trauma Attenting: "I'm going to have to do a rectal exam, you're going to feel some pressure around your rectum."
ED Attending: "He's going to put his finger in your butt to check for bleeding."
...finger inserted...
Patient: "AHHH, doctor you've touched me like no one else ever has."
Trauma: "I certainly hope so."
Patient: "I have to take a dump."

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