A little too close to home...

I had the lovely opportunity to spend 3 days in the NICU of my hospital. Being an ex-30 weeker with APGAR's below 5, I was a little hesitant to begin this rotation to say the least. It brought up a lot of personal feelings that I didn't know were there...like a deep appreciation for the docs and nurses that worked on me...I would have never known that I was such a giant pain in the ass for so long. There's also a sense that all of that is worth it.

It's also immensely sad to see young familes go through that kind of ordeal...I could never imagine the anguish that my parents went through over 25 years ago watching my pediatrician code me in the delivery room...I guess I turned out all right. I feel a deep attachment to the field and a fondness for everyone in the unit. It's truely a wonderful profession that they practice.

At the same time, I had this weird identity crisis thing going on every time that I would reach into an incubator to examine a baby with tubes coming out of everywhere. It was like looking back 25 years ago onto what my life was, and could have been. Rounds for the past three days have been a little too personal of an experience for me to even consider as a career option. I wouldn't be able to deal with it the first time I lost a kid...which happens. Having to code a kid in the delivery room would probably be just too much for me to handle.

But at the same time it has alot of the benefits of EM (proceedures, good lifestyle, portable practice) that I like. I just don't think I could hang through 3 years of gen peds only to have to deal while being emotionally invested in those kids for the rest of my life. It just hits a little too close to home for me.


radioactive girl said...

My last baby was in the NICU for a while after he was born. I am thankful for the wonderful people who took care of him and helped him to end up to be the healthy little guy he is now. You have no idea how I still feel about the doctors/nurses who took care of him, and he will be 5 in January! So, thank you. Even though you didn't help with my son I can imagine how difficult it must be to be there and do that job.

Anonymous said...

You the man Bostonian!

Dragonfly said...

Hey, I was a 34 weeker (well, sort of, complicated story) with very low birth weight (2.1kg) and my mother asystole-d on the table during the emergency section for foetal distress (late decels!!) Hooray for being a NICU grad!! Not so much for the increased risk of obesity and depression, but what can you do? (Exercise and take vitamins I spose).
Much love for paediatric intensivists, OBGYNs and anaesthetists as a result.